a wonderful 2008

a year which i cannot ask for more

a year which i devoted myself to everyone except myself

but an even more fantastic 2009 i will look forward to

when i've decided that it will all be back to me and only me

since

"Putting yourself at the top of the list 

so you can treat your body 

with as much as you would give to someone else's - 

and when anyone needs something from you,

you will be operating from a full cup."

looking at the numerous farewells i had

it seemed to be sending me a msg

one of which i've discovered is that

a farewell is only so painful

only cause relationships built has been so strong

and i thank everyone of you:)

so while you think that you'll be going through one

i'll be going through much more

many temp cause i'll be back:)

but a no. of them perm since i dont know how many years more i'll see them

till then

i've begin by boiling barley tea

and drink them when i think of you all:)

i'll miss these times when i can just call you

and head to esplanade  to watch one of those musicals or performances

meanwhile, i'll treasure them now

first pang of bad news

parting never seemed this bad before:(

what am i to do

i dont create miracles

who am i suppose to look for support

when all of you depend on me

what if im gone?

unnecessary pressure on myself

until everything was over

then i see light

cause others had such confident in me

which i didnt have in myself

and this cycle repeats over and over again

when sometimes i fall

but im glad i got through it today

i totally hate that feeling

the sense of fear i never once had

but only get worse each time now

the fear of not meeting my own expectation

i wonder how will i be able to survive 

through all those

im so moody and drained these days

i flare up at both my kids

much to both their surprise

cause they didnt believe i would get angry

its time to take a breather

and have something to look forward to:|

my memory is failing me so bad

that i realised im suppose to be at two places at the same time

both important and im feeling so guilty

i just want to hide under my sheets and never wake up

and life is moving so fast

that im not in the right mental frame to take my driving test

ive become so impatient

and everything just have to be fastfastfast

but other than the fact that i dont have the time to think so much

ive not begun to fret about it

i better slow things down

(which i know will never happen though)

cause i never felt so guilty using the word busy as an excuse

its an excuse, not a reason.