receiving a cardboard iphone becomes an acceptance to ntu

im torn for choice

i really hope i receive a rejection letter

that would have been much ideal

being the fifty or so to get into it

i should be rejoicing

either way im not following the advice of my interviewer

oh by which the interview went really well 

and became a chit chat session

and ya, hence the result

and im glad that i've got someone in the same position

only that im in a worse dilema

cause ya

anyway i should be grateful to come this far

its been an enriching journey

and i hope more to come:)

i reallyreally hate parting scene

it was so hard putting up a front 

while i was crying so badly inside:(

i love it how primary school syf is so stress free

how the two p's are really fine with anything

as long as the kids do their best

how the teachers does not pressure them

despite them being so stressed 

and having to leave up to their previous gold

its how everything thats so cheerful and happy in the staff room

that really starts my week right

the teachers still treating me like their student

despite me being their collegue already

and how i look forward to going back there during the weekend

despite the kids that leave me drain

and despite me screaming and scolding and making them cry

they tell me that im not strict enough, argh

im still this nicenice teacher 

who looks more like their sister than teacher:( 

well it isnt such a bad thing right:)

this thought just pop up during driving lesson a few days back

no, actually its only yesterday

but my day is so packed with stuff 

that it actually seemed so long ago

oh back to the point, ya

i was stepping on the clutch pedal

and i was thinking

everything is all about tension and release

like no matter how far or how fast a car moves

after sometime it got to slow down or stop

and like how every piece of music in itself is in the form of tension and release

listen closely, and every note is a form of it too

the entrance and the ending, how intense or relaxed it is

...and then it lead on to alot of other stuff

and i look at some people

how they keep going on full steam

without a break, day and night

still so upbeat and forward looking

where's their release button?

when is it going to stop?

and working with them makes me feel so lucky

im surrounded by people who do what they love

they made me a workaholic like them

i dont think about ending work

i dont cast a glance at my watch

i go back on days i dont need to

i ask for extra lessons, 

haha which the parent happily agreed to

and i start to see some light

choosing passion over any other thing

but im also so involved involved in the edu sector

and that got to say something too

i rmb telling someone close to me 

to go for something you really want

then not trying at all 

cause when you look back

at least you would have been certain of the outcome

then not knowing at all

i reallyreally wish i hadnt

then i wouldnt be stuck in this dilema

the unknown would have provided much comfort

much better than this

it started out as one of the plans i have

then realising that it was almost taken away from me

now i want it more than ever

how close i am to have it

and still believing that it was meant for me

it may never materialise afterall

its almost like life is poking fun of me

putting me through test after test

and i stupidly believe that everything happens for a reason

but never seemed to get an answer

ive been making myself terribly busy with work and stuff

hoping that at the end of the day

i'll be too tired and i'll just fall asleep

but somehow

i've been keeping late nights

waking up at six and continue with my twenty hour day

im no superwoman

and its taking a toll on me

just give me this for once

i want it reallyreally badly.